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Friday, October 21, 2011


(Dedicated to a certain friend who always stood for me and whom I stand up for proudly today)

As I entered a mall today to ear-splitting music, my mind was unusually preoccupied: a mind that did not have much food for thought lately except some linear musings on the monetary side. Unknowingly, I tuned myself into the song that was playing then: "Jiya Dhadak Dhadak.." from the movie "Kalyug". Before I could catch myself back, my memory put me on its saddle and rode back 5 yrs from today, when she told me that it was her most favourite song and even sang it to me countless number of times over the phone. She used to sing so beautifully back then, wonder if she still does it for her boyfriend now. The time when I used to believe that her love was all that I needed till the end of my life and nothing or no one else. The time when the biggest reason to worry was how I would recharge my phone enough to sing her off to sleep every night. Well, long story cut short - it was cut short!

I sat on the marble sitout of the mall with a pack of smokes wondering what made me think of those times without any warning and realised that the phobia that I had developed towards love relations and commitments after she left me high and dry at the most crucial time of my life so far made me a man who lives in his past. I hate this. I strongly despise being a person who, despite all the carefully developed optimism levels in him, still delves into his past and hangs in there until breaking point and comes back with nothing in hand except broken shards of memories.

For the first time in all the years I have known him, I heard his voice falter for the first time yesterday. It was as though he had resigned to fate without the usual valour when posed with a problem. It was her! She was the reason. Like changing into night clothes from the office ones, she had traded his love for someone else's who may have promised better heavens for her. I remember the times she and my girlfriend used to chat about him and me. He, who has been the backbone of his family, was torn like a ragged old doll and wasted away. I was seething with anger at the injustice that was meted out to him for no fault of his. If he was a bad man, an uncaring boyfriend, it would have made sense. But it escapes me why she traded diamond for a piece of certified charcoal? Yes, it is absolutely human to fall in love with two people simultaneously but isn't there something called reason?? He was even ready to accept her back.. still??? If anything, I didn't want him to wallow in such misery and mope around but she didn't leave much of an option. If anything, I never wanted him to feel what I felt when i went through the same history but damn, history rears its ugly head from the leaves of time and licks our wounds with flames.

Girls - dont blame us men if you find us commitment-phobic and wary about relations. It is because of some among you that we are afraid of even thinking about a relationship with you. And remember one thing - the world is round. What goes around, comes back!!


Red Handed said...

What goes around definitely comes around. Hmm. Well i guess it is never one sided. Thr hav been places whr a girl was left. But yes i accept the fact tht men are a bigger victim f this. Reason for being cheated upon cud b many, sometimes even the fact tht the relationship was too good to stand.

Gud post and the first post i read in the morn.

Musings of a Troubled Mind said...

@Redhanded - your comments are always close to my heart. Thanks for being my trusted reader always :)

Kameswari said...

I have notices a running theme in our recent posts and I understand that sometimes the past can sit heavily on our shoulders.We have lived definitely through troubled times.People have hurt and left us. But the past is the past.Something that's done and over with. Beautiful and sad though your posts are , I think if you just concentrated on the good times you had ,you might just surprise yourself.But well written, as always!

Kameswari said...

oops typos. noticed* , you*

Musings of a Troubled Mind said...

Thanks for the review Kunju :)
And as I always maintain, YOU SHOULD WRITE!! :)